I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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