if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
