i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize