we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
