Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
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