Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
