Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
