So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize