I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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