I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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