i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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