I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
