yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
