but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
