if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Randomize
