the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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