Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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