I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
