I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
