I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
