My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Randomize
