I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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