Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
