I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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