i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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