when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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