i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
