??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
