drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
