the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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