I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
