Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
