1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
