Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
