I want to have your abortion
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Randomize
