His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
