Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
