I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I've blown a few things in my day
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
