I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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