why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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