In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
