2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
