I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
