Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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