Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
