He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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