yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
