Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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