AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
