I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize