Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
