just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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