He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
