Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
