she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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