So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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