I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize