Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I don't deserve a penis
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
