I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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