i jhust puked up my retainher.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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