He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
