Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
