dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
