Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
