Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
She needs sedatives and a leash
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
