Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
