I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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