11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
