i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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