dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Duck Duck Cougar?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize