hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
