I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
