So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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