You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
