I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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