Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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