Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
