Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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