So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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