1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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