We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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