the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
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