4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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