Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Randomize
