I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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